another sleepless night...

Yet again I spend another late night in bed awake...with my main man sleeping on the covers

next to me. I really do worry how life will affect Hudson, how unbelievably unfair and harsh

things can be. What will I tell him when he asks why he doesn't have a mommy and daddy taking

care of him. Or why his mommy is so much younger than his friends'. I guess life just is not fair,

but all I can do is come up with explanations that will male life make sense again. Sometimes I

am not even sure why I started this blog, I guess I just needed to get an outlet and not feel so

alone anymore in this who parenting gig. I wouldn't give it up for anything in the world but

sometimes I just wish I had someone around to truly enjoy these milestones like only a parent

does. Huddy is so lucky to have such an enormous amount of love surrounding him so far but

sometimes that just doesn't replace that whole cookie cutter family feeling. All I can do is work as

hard as I possibly can so that he can have the most amazing life possible.

So Hudson I am making you some promises:

1. You will see as many places as I can take us to...including India...we will get there one day my love.

2. You will never go a day in your life without a hug from me and knowing you are my world.

3. I will try to stop picking on you just for a good photo...okay I lie but I promise that one day you can do the same to me.

and ....

4. We will have an amazing life babe!

Maybe it is a good thing I am just witting...not editing my life ...just getting it out and not looking at it again...

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

Reality check...

Today was wonderful I took Huddy to the park with his God mommy Becky to take his three month photos a month late. But it was totally worth it I can't believe how much I love this child...love.. that is what got my head going in circles asking the question

"Can a single mom even find love?"

I know why do I do this to myself. But I guess when I was pregnant I just fantasized about love like the Brady Bunch or Hedi and Seal, ha or even the Kardashian family where these women find the love of their life who loves their children like their own...but is that just Hollywood...just TV

I guess for now Hudson is my boyfriend..and I couldn't love anyone as much as this little man.

Been a while....

Infant massage class this morning was hilarious....not one baby was feeling it we all spent the entire class walking the babes around while listening the teacher tell us all of the amazing benefits of massages.
Hudson is getting huge!
All of those cute outfits I just had to have no longer fit but the one shirt I have been waiting for him to grow into finally fits!!! It simple reads....."My mommy's tattoos are sick" I live love and die for this little t-shirt!!

Let us see what else has happened since last time I checked in....

Huddy has his first tooth coming in!!! ( P.S. I feel for anyone who has a teething babe)
He can say "maaaa" (Yes I cried when this happened)
And he now loves Baby Beluga ya!!


Little man is waking up though so I will check back in later

So today was an eventful day ...traveling alone with HP makes me wish I had three arms, I don't know how the hell my Dad did it with just one!
After two nights in a row of crying baby (I bounced him all night) Huddy and I headed to Dr. G.
One thing you should know is I'm not some Neurotic mommy who goes to the doctor every time a baby sneezes but since Huddy seriously never cries I knew something was wrong...and I was right..




MY BABY HAS THRUSH....I was so sad for my little ma, Dr. G reassured me and said that a prescription on antibiotics would do the trick. So we were off to the pharmacy and of course I have to wait in line for instructions on the new medicine.
The pharmacist proceeds to tell me that I need to have "baby" take 1ml on the side of his cheek, swish it around his entire mouth, gargle and then swallow. Hi, I have a three month old who can barley keep a nookie in his mouth let alone gargle. So I looked blankly thanked him and walked out.

Next up we were off to Staples to fax some papers. I tried to get some help at the counter with the self service station and this snotty woman turned around.
I don't know what it is about older women and the need to look at your ring finger but there she was jumping back and forth from Huddy to my finger....resisting the urge to show her another one of my fingers I finally got her to help me...27 minutes later I successfully faxed two papers to the attorneys office.

Long long day after two long long night...I'm happy to see I'm snuggled with HP right now and he couldn;t look more content I guess even without the gargling the antibiotics are working their magic.

On a happier note though Huddy is offically 13 lbs 30z and 23 inches long. :)
Love you babe

Belly laughs you are so close...

Well my son this blog is for you, one day you can look back and read everything and hopefully know just how much you are loved. Right now you are sitting on your auntie Nicole's lap squealing with joy! Let me tell you, you are quite the ham!

HP is thirteen weeks and one day and today Huddy laughed for the first time and I cried...shocking I know, but in my defense so did Auntie Nicole :)







Tomorrow we have doctors appointment and I am guessing he is close to thirteen pounds now...at least
I think Huddy knows its just the two of us because i don't think I have ever met a more well behaved babe!

Love you my little monkey man!